…but don’t believe what she says
I call it your ‘Grandma’s Voice’.
(It could just as easily be a grandfather I guess, or an aunt or uncle. It’s the figure who sits on the step of a small Greek village and dispenses wisdom to younger people — whether that wisdom is welcome or not. Before you leap to the defence of your real grandma, ‘grandma’ is an allegory, an archetype)
‘You don’t want to do that….’
‘Be careful, that’s dangerous…’
‘Why take the risk…?’
‘In my day….’
It’s a voice demanding obedience. It says the best way forward is to make no change. Do things as they’ve always been done. Live the life people like you have always lived.
For me it was a continual encouragement to ‘keep my head down’ and ‘not get too big for my boots’. My parents emerged from dysfunction and poverty, to achieve a precarious lower middle class life. They lived in fear that if they didn’t ‘fit in’, they’d be excluded, expelled back to the life they’d spent so long trying to escape.
‘Grandma’s voice’ is powerful because it’s rooted in deep and real experience. She speaks from the world she knows. The world of the past.
We each have our own inner grandma’s voice. It warns us of dire consequences when we consider trying something new. It points out everything that could go wrong. It predicts disaster and shame. It drowns out the little inner voice that whispers ‘this is who I am.’.
It’s easy to sneer at Grandma. Silly, old, out-of-touch.
That would be foolish though.
Grandma knows things. She’s lived. She has experience you don’t (yet) have.
Listen to her.
So what to do? Listen and obey, or ignore and follow your desires?
When your grandma’s voice warns you against taking a risk in your life, against trying something new, against committing to your true desire, do you scream at her to shut up and leave you alone, or do you buckle under the weight of being ‘sensible’ and give up your dreams?
How about neither of those options? Both are foolish.
When grandma speaks (ether your real one if you’re lucky enough to have one, or your personal ‘grandma voice’) — LISTEN! Doubts, fears and concerns are lessons you’ve learned from your past. They contain truth. Only a fool refuses to learn from their experiences.
BUT…
Do not believe grandma’s voice. The world she knows no longer exists. It’s changed. The person you were in the past and the experiences you’ve had, no longer exist. Learn from the past without living there.
Respect your grandma, she speaks from lived experience. Do not believe your grandma, for she’s not talking of the present or the future.
When you hear your voices of self-doubt, questioning or warning, listen to the wisdom they contain, but do not believe them.
Learn from the past.
Act in the present.
Create the future.
Grandma deserves respect. She does not have to be obeyed though.
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